A word about ‘endings’ in therapy
The strength of the therapeutic relationship means that ending therapy can be difficult and sad for clients. It’s a big deal for therapists too! ‘Bittersweet’ some may say…
Here, I reflect on valuing and nurturing the vulnerability, resilience and fragile optimism of the human spirit.
This is a personal reflection on a particular client ending and a more general reflection on my feelings about therapy and about being human.
Different types of ‘endings’
Therapists become very used to endings. They can come in many forms. Some clients don’t turn up for their last session and you never hear from them again. Some clients get frustrated and perhaps realise they’re not ready and tell you they won’t be returning. Some clients raise the ending themselves when they feel ready, whilst some need support to believe that they can trust themselves to cope without therapy.
And then there are the endings that are truly difficult. When there has been a strong therapeutic relationship between me and my client, and the work, however difficult at times, has been rewarding and progress has been made it is very moving and sad to say goodbye. Whilst it is obviously the right thing and I would never suggest otherwise, therapists are humans with feelings too! We also feel the loss of the relationship.
A ‘bittersweet’ ending
I experienced an ending like this recently. Bitter because we would be saying goodbye, and sweet because it had been such a pleasure and so rewarding. Our (shared) journey has been incredible – from some very bleak, dark times to noticing and reflecting tiny areas of positive change to gradually seeing them ‘blossom’ and reducing the frequency of their sessions. I have learnt so much along the way from this client, namely how I commit to my clients, from seeing their commitment to themselves and to the therapy, their humour and their respect for our relationship, and their hard work and thus hard won achievements. The vulnerability, resilience and fragile optimism of the human spirit are to be valued and nurtured, always. Anything less is not therapeutic.
Endings are one of the hardest parts of being a therapist. That clients feel able and ready to leave is what we’re working towards, even though it is difficult to know that we will no longer hear about their life journey, be a part of their week or talk to them again. But this is also one of the most beautiful parts of being a therapist – that you have been there for them, offered them a safe and constant relationship, and sent them on their way feeling hopeful and understanding themselves much better.
I had been working with this client for four and a half years, so perhaps of course this was a deeper relationship. However, I can feel this way about endings with clients who I’ve worked with for a matter of months. I have felt moved to write about this client and this ending, but in doing so I have realised that I am also deeply moved by the act of therapy, the beauty to be found in the work I do, and the healing that strong relationships can provide.
“Don’t forget me”
One comment this client made in our last session was, “don’t forget me”. What a loaded comment. As if I could ever forget them! But, more therapeutically than that, I believe they need me to continue to hold their story as evidence that they showed courage and overcame their struggles. Our therapy is like a marker. Also, the comment is testament to the value we each placed on the relationship we built. Tears come to my eyes as I think about our times together and how much they will be missed.
We will both continue our life paths having had this touching and important intersection along the way. As with all client work that comes to an end, I want to wish this client a contented, happy, and healthy onward life path with lots of fun, new adventures!