Do you know how you are?
This Mental Health Awareness Week, take some time and space to think about you and your feelings. Learn how to know how you are…
A commitment to yourself
Life is so busy. We’re so busy. Ok, perhaps we’re don’t all need to be as busy - I know some of us use being busy as a distraction. But, generally, life can feel hectic and there can feel like a lot of social expectation/pressure to progress, develop, achieve and ‘do’ stuff!
But, it’s Mental Health Awareness Week this week. Although the focus this year is on movement and the benefits that physical activity can bring to our mental health, I’m also focusing - as always - on awareness. We need to become more aware of our own, and others’, mental health. To do this, I’m encouraging you to get to know more about how you are.
It can be easy to get swept along with life and to not pay enough attention to how we’re feeling. Can you commit to hit the pause button from time to time to help you notice, understand and navigate your emotional world?
I see how clients can find it difficult to describe to me how they’re feeling. This isn’t because they’re not intelligent enough (traditional intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with it and can actually get in the way!) or not willing, it is because they haven’t been shown or taught how to know how they are, and maybe don’t have access to the language of emotion.
Consequences?
So what? Maybe you don’t know how you are… “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”!
However, this approach is often unsustainable.
If we’re not aware, because we’re too busy or fearful of sitting alone with ourselves, we’re not to know what is causing us difficulty or upset. These feelings become repressed, or buried, and we don’t really know how they might be having an impact on our day-to-day life, experiences, and relationships. We can’t process feelings, let go of difficult feelings/situations, or move forward if we’re not aware that something is causing us an issue.
Myth
I often hear a client voice their nerves about the act of looking in more detail at their emotions. This can feel such a scary thing, particularly when we might have a suspicion that there is something we need to deal with but don’t want to or can’t let ourselves look at it.
Sometimes it can be a massive risk to dig deeper - what if we can’t handle it? What if we’ve actively tried to avoid any negative emotion and things have gone ‘ok’? What if we spiral downwards and become unwell? What if we lose any progress that’s been made?
These are understandable concerns, but they result from anxiety and fear (and maybe from denial). Perhaps you feel as though you’ve spent so long doing well at looking after (protecting) yourself by not acknowledging negative emotions. And, to a degree, this is a way you’ve found to cope. But it isn’t a long-term solution and these anxieties are largely inaccurate. Things certainly might feel more difficult for a while, but if you are in a safe therapeutic relationship, you can be supported and guided through this process and taught how to manage your difficult emotions.
You can begin to feel that you’re capable of feeling, expressing and managing a range of positive and negative emotions, which will contribute to your sense of resilience and good mental health.
How can I change?
Start reflecting on your day, maybe write some things down. Use a ‘wheel of emotion’ to help you to label your feelings. Start thinking about why certain situations caused certain emotions. Is there another time in your life that you’re reminded of? This can take practice, and it’s often helpful to be guided in these explorations, so reach out for support if you’re finding it difficult or overwhelming.
Most importantly, start taking time and space for yourself - to ensure you’re relaxing, to help you think about yourself, how you’re doing and your needs, and to start seeing yourself as a priority and as important enough to look after, emotionally.
Concerned about what your therapist thinks?
Don’t be… Therapists are ok with ‘mess’. In fact, we want to delve into all that (when the time is right for you) so that we can help you to untangle it and feel better. Client vulnerability and the beginnings of emotional understanding and expression are beautiful to therapists and we are privileged to watch it/you unfold and be a part of your process. You are not burdening us, you don’t need to look after our emotional state, and we are not judging you. We want the best for you, but that sometimes means things feel difficult before they feel better.
I’ve loved to hear how some clients learn to express how they’re feeling with analogies. The use of an analogy is so helpful in therapy - I can really get a sense of the client’s meaning. I’ve heard all sorts - reeds in the water, rooms where the door is shut tight or ajar, boxes with lids on, different suitcases, crunching the gears, swimming against the tide… It’s fascinating.
Give yourself space and time
So, take some time to slow down, give yourself some space to tune in to yourself, seek some support to be guided through getting to understand your emotional world, and get thinking about how you are, emotionally. Self-awareness is such an important tool. Celebrate this Mental Health Awareness Week by taking time to work out how you are.